The Astronaut Farmer
Reviewed by Theo Michelfeld
Posted February 25, 2007

Raise your hand if you think American citizens ought to be allowed to ignore FAA regulations and launch rocket ships into space from their backyards…

Anyone? Rocket ships in the backyard? No?

Well, what if those citizens comport themselves humbly, and have pretty, soft-spoken wives, and adorable children who freeze-dry bags of Lucky Charm marshmallows for their dad’s trip into orbit?

Still no?

Well, I guess we’re all a bunch of goose-stepping, buffoonish party-poopers. Or so the makers of The Astronaut Farmer would brainwash us to believe.

Forgive me now, but it is impossible to proceed without acknowledging my own personal politics. I’m a liberal. Without getting carried away, suffice to say I believe in Truth, Love, Peace, Justice, and Liberty, and I believe those principles to be non-negotiable, and philosophically unassailable. But that doesn’t mean I’m an anarchist. I haven’t been this alarmed by a film’s message since David Fincher’s Fight Club. In fact, this film and that one are the only two I can recall that have ever managed to raise conservative hackles on my neck.

The Astronaut Farmer is about a failed astronaut (and apparent engineering genius) who decides to launch his own space mission out of his barn. In the process, he bankrupts his family—oh yes, and endangers their lives, along with the lives of thousands of friends and neighbors. But it’s all OK, because his wife loves him, and his kids admire him, and the FBI agents who want to shut him down are grumpy, dishonest, self-proclaimed “asses” with identical mustaches and cell phones that play the Darth Vader theme. Folks, you CAN make this stuff up.

There is much speechifying in this movie about pursuing one’s dream, including the hero’s plea that we are taught, as Americans, that we can be anything we want to be. Well I submit to the filmmakers that this argument conveniently neglects to acknowledge our laws against manslaughter and reckless endangerment. It’s also convenient that no one gets killed when the hero’s first mission goes haywire, and the rocket launches sideways through an enormous crowd of spectators. “Never give up your dream,” we are continually told throughout this movie’s ups and downs. Well, let’s keep something in mind: NASA, a legal space program, has endured REAL catastrophes where REAL heroes lost their lives in pursuit of this very same dream. And yet they have carried on, pioneering space for the betterment of mankind. NASA never gives up either. How about a little respect for the establishment, and some respect for reality while we’re at it.

What irks me most about this film is that I am once again watching my fellow liberals preach to the choir. Friends, that’s what’s put us in the corner for the last six-plus years. You cannot prevail in politics by simply calling your opponent a moron. That tactic does not win hearts and minds, and it also backfires, rather embarrassingly, when it turns out your opponent is smart. To my fellow liberals, maybe you believe our personal liberties should always supersede our national security, even when it comes to building rocket ships in the backyard. And thankfully you live in a country that allows you to express those beliefs and carry them forward into the world. But please, you must prepare yourselves: You are going to meet philosophical resistance from people smarter, more honest, and more persuasive than the stuffed-shirt doofus villains of The Astronaut Farmer.

Politics aside, I will admit that this movie is watchable. Not counting the cheesy score, it is tastefully crafted. And there is an inherent suspense in waiting to find out just how far into orbit the filmmakers are willing to take their audacious foolhardiness. Also half-effective, apparently, is the product placement. I did go to Dunkin’ Donuts after seeing the film, but I resisted the Lucky Charms.

Copyright © 2007 Theo Michelfeld