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You Don't Mess With The Zohan
Reviewed by Theo Michelfeld
Posted: June 8, 2008

You Don't Mess With The Zohan stars Adam Sandler as an indestructible, ass-kicking Mossad agent who longs to come to America and live the simple, peaceful life of a hairdresser. That's what's called a "premise," as opposed to a "story," and like so many modern comedies this one hits and misses with relentless, desperate goofiness as it tries to stretch what should have been a five-minute TV sketch into a feature-length film. But despite its many, many, needlessly idiotic moments, You Don't Mess With The Zohan is at times witty in its satirization of Israeli- and Arab-American culture. And with its Mel Brooks-like conviction that almost any casual American sentiment is automatically funny when inflected through Middle Eastern phonetics, there is an underlying charm throughout. The movie is often amusing even when it isn't bowling you over with laughter.

As "The Zohan," a muscle-bound Sandler dispenses with his trademark childish whine, and that makes his whole performance somewhat refreshing. Which is not to say he has suddenly matured. Sandler dresses in codpieces, short shorts, and various Mariah Carey T-shirts. He performs absurd disco maneuvers in the New York City streets. He somersaults from rooftop to rooftop, and catches bullets with his teeth. He plays hacky sack with a live cat, and paddleball with a live grenade. He uses hummus as toothpaste, or as styling mousse, or as a flame retardant. And he commits serial-debauchery with countless, willing, retirement-age women. That's what you're getting into, folks, if you choose to see this movie.

But You Don't Mess With The Zohan also brings a funny and touching perspective to the Israel-Palestine conflict. When The Zohan tells his parents he's had enough of the fighting, his mother tells him, "We've been fighting for 2,000 years. It can't be much longer." And when Israeli- and Arab-American merchants are near brawling in the city streets, an Arab character laments, "Everyone hates us; they think we're terrorists," to which a Jewish character replies, "Everyone hates us, too; they think we're you." In between scenes depicting Adam Sandler's gyrating pelvis, this ridiculous movie might ultimately serve as a kind of public service by reminding American viewers that most Middle Eastern immigrants have brought their hopes here and left their conflicts behind. It's an oddly constructive film.

Of course, that makes it all the more regrettable that so much of You Don't Mess With The Zohan is so restlessly uninspired. A bit of editing, and a bit more confidence in the public attention span would have served this material well. And by the way, none of the guest appearances—by the likes of Chris Rock, John Turturro, Mariah Carey, Dave Matthews, Kevin Nealon, and Rob Schneider—are scene stealers either. As it is, Sandler's new film is like so much of his previous work, and so many other movies built around talented former sketch-comedy stars. It's funny, stupid, and exhausting.

Copyright © 2008 Theo Michelfeld